Thursday, September 1, 2011

A president doesn't have poo duty

"Good Morning Madam President, shall I take Radman for his morning stroll?" asked the Butler.

"Why Yes" I replied as I handed a black leash with silver studs over to the older man, his hair graying, his eyes still twinkled with his lost youth.  He was slender and well kept and as he walked away with my black and white short haired mutt I couldn't help but notice that he seemed to glide silently through the white house halls.

The duties of the presidency keep me from many of the small pleasures in life, walking the dog being one of them.  In the same breadth it also saves me from the horrible task of picking up Radman poo off the white house lawn.  

Being president would be the life! Man am I glad I live in the country I would hate to have to pick up dog poo everyday... my thoughts shifted as my daydream came to an end.  I patted Radman on the head while sitting on the porch steps of our single wide trailer.  I had seen on television that people in the city picked up their dog's poo as soon as they went, but here in the desolate country side of New Mexico such a chore was unheard of.  We had 5 acres for the dogs to poop on and it only took a few weeks for nature to run its course and it to would fade into the dirt.  Of course that left a lot of land mines to be mindful of when running around outside.   

That was the 5th grade.  I had a dog named Radman whom I loved dearly and who I thought would live as long as I did.  I had decided I was going to be an attorney and then somehow magically become the first girl to be president.  My teacher Mrs. Sutton was not a PTA favorite, she smoked during recess and would sometime have a slip of the tongue and swear during class.  But I liked her.. mostly because she made me feel like I could be anything.  I was going to be president and I was going to be a great lawyer.  I was going to make a difference.

I have no idea what happened to Mrs. Sutton; and Radman died like my dream of being president.   

With age comes wisdom and my dream of being president was short lived.  I came to realize that Presidents get made fun of a lot and no matter what choice they make they are wrong in someone's eyes.  And even at 11 I knew I hated being teased and I liked being right.

As for being a lawyer, I didn't hold on to that dream long either.  It would pop up from time to time but ultimately I either don't have a passion for it or realistically I didn't want to put in the work to get there.  I have had people tell me I would make a great lawyer.  My brother said I would because he could never beat me in an argument.  If he has I have blocked it out.  I had a law professor tell me I would because I have a passion for justice.   This is true, but I just don't think my passion for justice is strong enough to push me through law school and boards.

Even now I don't feel drawn to be either.  

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Insert back story here.

I was tempted to just create a blog name and url and leave it with no posts.... Since my "now what" proclamation of a question seems impossible to answer... and I find it humorous to see this blog self proclaim the answer to "NOW WHAT" as "NO POSTS!" But alas that would be self defeating since the purpose of writing this is to help me figure out what the hell I am doing with this life.

The physical manifestation of me. 32 yr old, Female, blonde, blue eyes, 5' 4" or close enough to claim it and get away with it. Slender but not slender enough to be completely satisfied with personal body image... that is to gently shout that I am 157 lbs which is 22 lbs more than satisfactorily slender. Lucky enough to have a sporty build that hides 10 of my unwanted pounds and leaves most assuming I am great at sports despite my lack of height. Fair skinned, a polite way to say I am quite freckled and I wear a constant rosy hue often mistaken as a slight sunburn but is just a natural pinkness which can transition to bright red if I get in a good work out or am put on the spot or worst of all embarrassed. If I were to be compared to a celebrity in determining who I resembled most it would be Elizabeth Shue, but with a smaller rack.

My self perceived personality. Isn't this always complicated to write. Procrastinating this section for a later date.

The Roles I play. Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Niece, Cousin and Friend.

Education. Bachelors in Business with an Emphasis in Finance.

My job progression thus far... Babysitter, hostess, retail sales associate, accounts payable temp, safety department intern at an oil refinery, waitress, life guard, event planner assistant intern, receptionist, account receivable clerk, membership database "manager", mutual fund phone associate, retirement plan client representative, retirement plan technical associate, and currently domestic relations manager errr stay at home mom.

All that to get to this fact, before being a Mom, I tried a lot of jobs and am still searching for the right fit. I have no interest in the field I have a degree in. I have worked enough in the finance industry to have gained a general distaste for it along with a good knowledge base to manage my personal finances. I am enjoying my current position as a Mom, however, my dislike of the maid duties that come with it leave me wanting more but not enough to push me back into the american workforce. I truly love having this time with my daughter and being a very active role in her development. However, my time now is not just for raising my daughter but for searching for what I want to be since I have yet to figure that out and I see my position as stay at home mom as a temporary one. Once she and any possible siblings are in school I will want to go back to work.

But what will I BE???? The why to this blog. My journal for the search I am on.

Now What.